I want MORE!!!

It's so hard to describe how I feel right now. There are no words for the condition my heart is in. It aches not out of pain but out of desperation. I long for more.
I just want to touch His robe. As the song says, I want to lean back against him and breathe. I want to feel his heart beat.
My love for him is astounding. I am overwhelmed with this love for Him, so much that it hurts. My heart wants to explode. He is my life force, my passion, my one true love. No one and nothing can ever amount to Him.
But I know it's not enough, and I want more.
I want the passion I have in my heart for Him to guide my every way. I want my love for him to be evident in all I do and say. I want to him to be the reason I wake every morning. I want my passion for Him to guide my steps, leading me in his will and closer to him.
I want more of God. I want to feel him around me. I want to soak Him in. I want to love Him with everything I have. I want that love and passion to pour from me.

Yet... I find myself here. In this same spot every time. I have extreme highs and lows in my faith. And I'm tired of the struggling, tired of the wrestling with God for control. I want to let go. I want to dive in, give in, let him guide me. I want to know what it is to walk by faith. I just don't know how.
I get here and lose it. There is something in my way and I don't know what it is. It's a very real barrier and I feel it there. It's there when I think, there when I pray, there when I read, there when I worship... it's always there. I cry before him and it is there. I don't know what it is and I don't know how to break through.
It's painful because all I want is to be on the other side... to touch him... to live wholeheartedly for him. But I can't... there's a barrier in my way... It's holding me back and all I want is MORE of Him...