2010

Hoping for something truly new this new year...

REFRESH me LORD I pray...

RENEW my PASSION...

REVEAL Your WILL...

REPLACE the me in my life and heart with YOU...

REFOCUS my VISION on You...

so there it is... nothing fancy... my REsolution is to REmodel my life and relationship with Christ to what it should be... to be in the Word 365 days... and with that not to just read the Bible to read it... but to actually use it as a way to know and communicate with my Savior... to fall more deeply in love with Him. I read my Bible daily, but I really want to dig deep this year... to dive in... to soak up all He has for me.. I'm tired of my spot on the fence, tip-toeing back and forth, one day here the other over there... tired of just warming a seat in the church, raising my hands out of routine, praising Him with the same lips I curse, it's time for a REvolution... a CHANGE... everything in the past two years of my life has lead me to this point... I can see it all so clearly- the choices, the mistakes, the victories, the lows, the highs, the lessons, and the hand of God in it all... now I know the choice is mine, God is waiting on me to move, and my answer will always be YES LORD YES!

Here today I lay my ebenezer... God draws the line once more... I don't want to merely step out in faith, I want to LEAP... Lord CHANGE ME! Give me the strength to live 2010 for You-- wholly and fully!

All is well...

I've been wanting to write an update on here for awhile. But I haven't had the exact words to describe how I feel. Then tonight as I was thinking and praying it came to me. I opened my Bible and there were the words... the words that are pouring from my mind and from my heart... the words that describe the very essence of how I feel... the very familiar words that now seem very real and alive to me, as if they jumped out of my heart, slipped past my lips and fell right there on the page. Psalm 42...

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"

My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

It's not as if anything horrible has or is happening in my life... it's just as if I'm in constant battle with my soul... it is downcast and I do not understand for my God is a wonderful God, He is strong and powerful, mighty to save, faithful, and worthy of my praise. Jesus is Lord and He is Lord of my life.

My soul is aching, the feelings of jealousy, fear, uncertainty, worthlessness, and just not having what it takes overwhelm me. The situations of life overtake my every thought. God's agenda is gone and mine has become miles long.

Why must my soul withdraw from my Creator, why must my heart put limits on His unending love, and why must my mind second guess He who knows all.

Will I ever be all I want to be or do all I want to do or be the person I so desperately long to be- to love God with all that is in me and to love those around me with everything God gives- to be a be a good friend, a good listener, someone people can rely on... or will I always be the same selfish me... battling within myself for me, wishing to be free of the cage I put myself in, fighting off the lies within and trying to grasp for the Truth of God...

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!

You know what's so great about God?
Even when everything around you seems to be falling apart, He is the one thing that remains.

The truth that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever is something repeated in churches throughout the World but sometimes I wonder if everyone truely grasps the depth that statement holds. The God of miracles, wrath, love, and tenderness in the Bible is the same God we serve today. He is the same in the good times and the bad. God doesn't waiver or change, we do. This truth is the one thing that can hold us firm in times of doubt or chaos. My God is good... ALL THE TIME and ALL THE TIME, God is GOOD! (I couldn't resist)

I find so much comfort in those sayings. He is and will always be my everything, the I AM. That is something that will never change. Something that can truely make life amazing even when circumstances weigh us down.

I can't help but give my God praise and thanks for how GREAT He is!

Well... here's to a Spirit-driven life :)

Since everyone in the world is blogging now... I thought I might start writing on mine again. Only I think my thoughts are somewhat inadequate in light of the others I have been reading (aka Hopkins duo). Oh well. But I must apologize in advance for my lack of spiritualness ness on this blog in comparison to theirs... I'm just not that deep man!

But I will say this-- GOD IS SO GOOD!!! I'm finding the more I'm willing to surrender myself, the more AMAZING He becomes... the more I take time in my day to dive into His word the more I desire to read it and the more interesting it becomes... the more I take time to talk with Him the more I feel Him... And well the more I do this the more at peace I feel. Go figure, right?

But it's just amazing to me how no matter how far I allow myself to fall from God, if I continue to make the same mistakes... He's always right there waiting for me, and each time I feel like I go deeper with Him... it's hard for me to explain (since I'm just not good at this). All I know is I'm really enjoying falling in love with my Savior all over again. Starting fresh... this time not just saying Lord I want more of you and less of me... but GOD GIVE ME ALL of YOU!!! And none of me... take everything... I know it might not be revolutionary to you but it is to me. The concept of living with purpose... living intentionaly, and truely being a Spirit-driven person is new to me.
I have never seen the difference between Spirit filled and Spirit driven... now it's clear... I'm Spirit-filled... but I'm never truely experienced what it is like to be driven by the Spirit... To live a life so full of God's purpose, so full of His mission and vision, that I can not even leave my house without direction from the Holy Spirit... That's what I want... I want God's agenda, not mine.
I know I won't be perfect in this. But I'm ready to not care about anything else and lay it all down to live a Spirit-driven life.

Free to be ME

Francesca Battistelli totally captured my heart and feelings in this song... I LOVE IT!!!

At twenty years of age
I'm still looking for a dream
A war is already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see, 'cause...
I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
When I was just a girl
I thought I had it figured out
See my life will turn out right
And I'll make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt, 'cause...
I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
And you're free to be you
Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and you tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it's easy to believe, even though...
I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
And you're free to be you

L*I*F*Eve

Life really catches up to you sometimes... it's crazy... I feel like I just posted my last entry yesterday, maybe because the same struggle is still in the back of my mind.

I'm going to do a little Beth Moore quoting because I need it right now... "God is who He says He is, God can do what He says He can do, I am who God says I am, I can do all things through Christ, God's word is alive and active in me!"
It's one of those silly things but it actually really helps because they are all truths that I, and we as Christians, forget all the time... simple truths that are at the base of our faith in Christ, the base of who we really are in Him... created by the Beloved, in His image, for His work.... made perfect in our own weakness, covered by grace.

It's good stuff... stuff it's hard to completely comprehend because noone on Earth could ever love like our Savior...

On my own...

I'm having a harder time with this being on my own and alone thing than I thought I would...
It's rough...

I miss the community from college... always having someone nearby if needed... I have no family up here... I have friends but it's just different.
I LOVE it here, I'm not complaining... it's just a HUGE adjustment that is taking a lot longer than I thought it would and is a bit more painful than I thought it would be.

Sometimes it's just hard being alone in an apartment... working 8 hours everyday, coming back to an empty apartment and sometimes going days without real friend contact-- it's lonely.

I mean I do stay pretty busy... Mondays I get off work, do some quick shopping (because I'm in town on Mondays), make and eat dinner, then go to my friends house to watch 24... Tuesdays I get off work, eat dinner, and go to youth at the church, Wed I get off, eat dinner, go to prayer at the church, come home and relax, Thursdays work, dinner, Hopkins for The Office, and Friday is usually either hang out or alone time... Saturdays I clean the house and relax, and Sundays is church... so it's not like my life is lacking eventfullness... I just feel lonely... like I don't really have anyone here...
I do have friends here and I'm getting to know people, I am just struggling with this transition. Working full time, paying the bills, trying to make ends meet, being single, being away from family, and trying to adjust to a new place... it's hard. I'm not trying to complain, I'm just being real about life...

It's hard right now... I'm having a hard time dealing with being alone and on my own. It's great to have Jesus and I know I wouldn't survive without Him, but sometimes I just need people... I need friends and family... ya know?

First few flakes...

Yes... it's true I couldn't resist writing in the snow on my windshield... ha ha...

I LOVE watching it snow and cover the ground with a white blanket... it's beautiful...

But I do not appreciate the coldness or icky driving conditions the snow brings with it! :) ha ha...

It has only snowed a few times since I've moved up here so I still get excited and want to run around in it like a little four year old!

Here are a few of my snowy Washington pictures...

I took this one today right before I left for work... I love when my car is covered in snow instead of ice!!! (sometimes the ice is so thick I have to warm my car up before I can even scrape it off with my windshield scraper thing! ah!)

This is the apartment complex I live in here... I love it! I'm on the second floor so I don't have to use my heat as much to stay warm! Thank you gravity!

This was my a pic in my first snow here... I was soooo excited! I know, I'm a nerd!

My street... how beautiful! I love it!

And I thought why not... I'll share my nerdy videos! I made a couple videos of the snow because I was so excited! One was my first snow and the other was the day school was cancelled for the snow! wohoo! No work... that's always amazing! (well I can't upload them right now but I'll try later :))

Running Stinks!

I love it here... but I've been trying this whole getting in shape thing... I've been eating healthier and working out everyday and man I hate going for runs! And it's not because I hate running, it's because once I get past a certain point it's all fields and sometimes the smell of cow and cow patties is so disgusting it's hard to breathe! ah! So not ok with this city girl! :) ha ha

I'm used to running by a beautiful ocean in Santa Cruz and thanking God for His beauty while I do it... now I guess I'll have to thank Him for my stuffy nose when I have one :)

My Psalm 2

Lord I stand in awe of Your wondrous love and grace. With just one touch You have brought me out of a cycle of hurt and despair. My life is changed and I’m left longing for more. I long to see Your face, to fall on my knees before You and just touch the hem of Your robes. You are everything I need. I worship You alone. Your word has been sweeter than honey on my lips and daily fills me to overflowing. How could You be so gracious to such a detestable person as me? I look and all I see is filth yet You make me as a precious jewel. I will follow You to the ends of the Earth. I will blindly follow where Your Spirit leads. I trust You with my life, I lay it all down at Your feet. Every step I take, I take in faith towards You. And I am blessed beyond measure. You have covered me in Your blood and I could never praise You enough. Let me be a fool for Your sake, as Paul, and bring You glory. Drench me in Your Spirit and let me boldly speak Your name. Your faithfulness astounds me, there is no one like You my God. My heart beats for You and You alone. I sing my praise to You louder with every passing day for You are my hope, my salvation, You are my peace and in You alone have I found my joy. You give me new life and I will praise You. Father, my all in all, there is no one I love more than You. Let the glory be all Yours God.

It's been soooo long!!!

So... I don't think anyone will even read this because I haven't posted in soooo long!!! BUT life has been crazy! SOOOO much has been happening! I live up here in good ol Sumas, WA now teaching preschool and just having a blast! The Canadian border is seriously two blocks from my apartment... no jokes... it's amazing! :) I have the BEST pastors in the world and absolutely LOVE my church, job, and friends up here.
I haven't really had internet but now I'm gettin it at home so I'm gonna try and keep this updated from now on! It's a goal of mine because I miss all my friends! :) ha ha... Rachel M I know you deleted me so not cool! It was only like 4 months since my last post! ha ha

Anyways... I should post some pics from El Salvador, I still haven't done that on here! goodness I'm a slacker!

BOBBY I MISS YOU!!!! (just a lil shout out!)