El Salvador Update...

I'm getting nervous... It's getting close to purchasing and paying time and I'm short... In the past it's always been hard for me to raise money for missions trips because I don't really have family... I mean I do but they wouldn't even send me $1 for this thing...

so right now I have about $950 raised out of $3500... and I have no idea how to raise the rest of it. I'm just trusting God will provide, like he always does!

So can you all PLEASE keep me in your prayers that this will work out.

Not only am I super excited about this and want to do it more than anything, I NEED to do this to complete my degree... it's the last 6 units

Thanks to all of you who have been praying or who have supported me... it means alot! And extra thanks to the CLC leadership team for your support! You guys are AMAZING! :)

THE question

The question everyone feels it is necessary to ask... the question that drives me insane... the question that makes me want to scream...
So what are you doing after you graduate?

AHHHH!!! I hate that question.

It's frustrating and scary... My option right now is to move home and be a preschool teacher... but that's not what I want. It's the easy thing, the comfortable thing, the thing that guarantees money flow... but when I think about it, when I pray about it, when I talk about it... everything inside of me screams NNNOOOOOOO!!!!

That's not what I want... that's not where my heart is...

It is what I have lined up right now... I'm suppose to graduate in May, go to El Salvador to do my internship in June, come to Modesto and be a preschool teacher in August/September...

but I DON'T WANT TO!!!!

I want to do ministry.... I want to do missions... I want to stay in El Salvador and never come back...

I want to do youth ministries... I want to work with orphans... I want to go to other countries...

People ask what I feel God is calling me to do... and well honestly... right now I feel He is pulling me toward going to Southwestern University to get my masters in Intercultural Ministry. Which I totally would be stoked about doing BUT that would require more debt, more loans, more money that I don't have and can't do... I already have about $50,000 in debt from Bethany... how can I go to SAGU and get more in debt...

I just don't get it...

I just want to be out on the field doing missions work... I just wish God would show me the way and open the door...

Obedience...

Genesis has been challenging me lately...

Looking at the story of Noah... I mean usually we look at it and see the Ark, the rain, and the rainbow...
but there's so much more there.

People always overlook Noah's obedience. Noah spent years (over a 100 I do believe- correct me if I'm wrong) to build a huge box that could hold a bunch of animals to prevent mankind from being destroyed by a flood caused by rain and it had never even rained before... do you know what kind of faith that would take?

People had to think Noah was crazy... they probably mocked him... yet he listened to God.

I remember someone saying "Partial obedience is disobedience". That challenges me... How many times do I only partially follow what God has asked me to do... how many times do I partially obey God...

It's so easy to pick and choose what to listen to... to say ok God I'll do that, but I'll do it this way...

Can you imagine what would have happened if Noah partially obeyed God? If he would have decided to make a smaller arc or no arc at all? But he didn't he obeyed God completely...

Noah's story has really challenged me this past week.. if only more of us could have a heart like Noah...

My RanDoMneSS

As most of you know... I think too much... I mean I think about everything all the time... my brain never stops... and a lot of times I have very random thoughts... It's really bad but I have trouble paying attention to anything bc of this... and I'll be the first to admit, I'm a horrible listener because one thing someone says can make me think of a million other things and then I get distracted and space off into Jeni's world...

So what do I think about... here's some insight into some thoughts I've had recently...

- I wonder what we would do without windsheild wipers... do they really do much for you... (on the freeway with a friend in the car talking to me about the rain... so i turn them off for a few secs to see what would happen... not a good idea)

- Why do some nuts have nut in the name and not others, like peanut vs. almond... why don't we call them alnuts or almonuts or something (during convo with someone eating peanuts)

- Do other people constantly have a song playing in their head or is that just me (talking on the phone, getting distracted by play that funky music in my head)

- Why are people so crazy at sports events... it's insane... fights, screaming all over a game (watching the super bowl)

- Why does the poem talk about roses being red... not all roses are red... how are there different colored roses... (talking to friend walking past flowers)

- I want a duck farm... why are ducks yellow... I mean all the ducks I collect are usually yellow, but real ducks really aren't... I wonder why... (this morning in church- yea I know I'm horrible... someone said something I thought of ducks...)

- I wonder if I would have to dress diferently if I was a pastors wife... could I keep my nose ring... do all pastors wifes have to be capable of singing or playing the piano... I wonder if I'll ever sing or play the piano (seeing Rachel sitting next to Bobby ha ha)

- Did those windows really change the way the sanctuary looks... how do windows do that... is that just our perception of light or is the window bending the light differently or something... how does that work... I wish I would've payed more attention in science... hmmm... (Pastor Ed pointing out the new windows)

- I wonder why God made so many different trees, types of grass, and flowers... why are they green... I mean I know it has to do with it not absorbing that color... but why green... (staring at a tree outside my class...)

-Why do I always say "it's not even funny"... it obviously isn't funny, so why do I state it... (right after saying my head hurts so bad it's not even funny)

- Why do donuts have holes in them... was it merely for the invention of the donut hole or is there a real reason... I mean why couldn't they just be round, or square... why the hole... really why... (while Krispy Kreme was being handed out at church)

Ok... so I think thats enough insight into my strange mind for one post... ha ha