Me, me, mE, ME, M-E

That's the problem and the issue... me

My heart is heavy and tears are hidden constantly... it's hard to be strong and not let it show when the emotion beneath the surface is so strong.

My heart aches... where is my Savior? My Strength? My Peace? My Rock?

I yearn for Him... I seek Him... daily I kneel before Him...

I cry daily "Lord I need You, I can't do this on my own. My strength is gone. I am a failure. Mere dust, a wretched person on my own."
Yet, I feel unheard... I feel alone in this uphill battle... my cry for help is unanswered. I LOVE Him more with each passing day and still the desperation becomes more.

Here I clumsily make my way through life... breaking things here, tripping there... causing thunderstorms and showers that do not belong... Everything I do falls apart... it's wrong... it's sin... it's disgusting... it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth...

My words are hatred... pure wrath... there is no pleasure or blessing coming from my mouth. My love is imperfect, stinging, and taking blows... My heart full of jealousy, pride, and contempt.

Lord purify me... make me new! I'm nothing but mere dust without You! Help me Father because I can't do it on my own... I don't have the strength or wisdom to get through without You! I'm desperate... barely holding on! I am the cause of my own agony... save me from myself! Teach me to daily walk in fear of You! To love with all I am... to show grace and mercy the way You show it to me. Help me to guard my mind and my tongue... Take away the evil thoughts and desires of my heart... replace them with the pureness of You. Teach me Your ways... bless me with Your wisdom. Teach me to love others, to uplift with my words and not bring destruction. Search me God, make my faults known. I need You, I want You! HELP ME GOD!