UGH

why is that every time I think I'm ok... I think I can move on... It just gets worse.

I miss having a best friend. I miss hanging out, random convos, watching heroes, watching other movies and shows and me always falling asleep before it's over... I miss being close.

Right when I think I'm fine and I can handle it, something reminds me I can't.

It almost makes me want to hate God for all of this... but I know that would only make it worse.

I just wish I didn't feel so alone. I'm tired of hurting. I just want my best friend back, but I can't.

Sorry this is so negative. I just can't sleep because this is all so heavy on my heart and in my mind.

I know God is right here with me, but I just don't understand what He is doing. I almost just want to crawl in a box and never come out.

I trusted God when He told me to trust people, to open up, share my life with others... but everytime I just get hurt. Friendships never last, people always leave, there is always pain, and nothing is ever as it seems.

I'm tired of having a broken heart. This has been the worst year of my life... I know I'm stronger, I know my faith has grown, but was it really worth all this heartache, all these mistakes, this embarassment and shame... isn't there another way God? Why must it hurt so bad?
There is only one person I want to call, and it is the only one I can't...