THE question

The question everyone feels it is necessary to ask... the question that drives me insane... the question that makes me want to scream...
So what are you doing after you graduate?

AHHHH!!! I hate that question.

It's frustrating and scary... My option right now is to move home and be a preschool teacher... but that's not what I want. It's the easy thing, the comfortable thing, the thing that guarantees money flow... but when I think about it, when I pray about it, when I talk about it... everything inside of me screams NNNOOOOOOO!!!!

That's not what I want... that's not where my heart is...

It is what I have lined up right now... I'm suppose to graduate in May, go to El Salvador to do my internship in June, come to Modesto and be a preschool teacher in August/September...

but I DON'T WANT TO!!!!

I want to do ministry.... I want to do missions... I want to stay in El Salvador and never come back...

I want to do youth ministries... I want to work with orphans... I want to go to other countries...

People ask what I feel God is calling me to do... and well honestly... right now I feel He is pulling me toward going to Southwestern University to get my masters in Intercultural Ministry. Which I totally would be stoked about doing BUT that would require more debt, more loans, more money that I don't have and can't do... I already have about $50,000 in debt from Bethany... how can I go to SAGU and get more in debt...

I just don't get it...

I just want to be out on the field doing missions work... I just wish God would show me the way and open the door...